le week-end

My weekend was fun, and filled with interesting experiences with old (and new) friends:

Partying in Golden Hill on Saturday
Bantering with Cath, who has lived in the Midlands for six years -- she's solid!
Giving Aaron an eyeful at Sabbat after knocking heads with someone from the Retro days
Sitting with my mouth agape as I watched March of the Penguins on Sunday afternoon
Seeing Brandon and Cath briefly before the French connection came over
Laughing until my sides ached as les voyous cheered, booed, and hissed through Jeopardy!

quotable

"Naturally, the common people don't want war, but they can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. Tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and endangering the country. It works the same in every country."
- Herman Goering, (1893-1946), Nazi and founder of the Gestapo, at the Nuremberg Trials

for eric and harry

Bret Easton Ellis' new book, Lunar Park, got panned by the NY Times. I doubt that will keep it from being a bestseller, though.

The problem with this novel is not that it is a fast, lurching ride to nowhere. Of course it is; it's a Bret Easton Ellis novel. The problem is that it does not have the honesty to admit that it wants to be more, the faith that readers will accept more or the courage to try to be more. It is the portrait of a narcissist who is, in the end, terminally bored with himself; that it may also be a self-portrait doesn't make it any more true.

il faut oser (you've got to dare)

I just finished "Almost French," by Sarah Turnbull. The book is about culture clashes between an Australian journalist and her new home. It's essentially a tale of a fish out of water. Her deadpan humor, coupled with her insight on la vie Parisienne, have given me quite a bit to think before I take the leap and move to Paris.

"[F]amiliarity breeds compassion and even affection. Quite simply, living side by side you can't pretend they're not there."

fear, self-loathing, and control issues

Geraghty and I had a thought-provoking conversation about tolerance and social justice this week. She made the point that it's often those with the most issues (and self-loathing) who seek to control the behavior of others.

I agreed, and told her about the movie Kinsey. John Lithgow portrays Kinsey's father in the movie and says the following: "The zipper provides every man and boy speedy access to moral oblivion."

Kinsey's father was a fire-and-brimstone preacher who railed against sexuality and pleasure in any form, and inadvertently led his son to become America's seminal sex researcher.

six pieds sous terre

I'm on French time with at least one thing: Six Feet Under.

Harry introduced me to the show midway through the final season, and I've been Netflixing the previous seasons.

It turns out that I'm watching seasons 1-3 at just about the same time as the good people of France.

Six pieds sous terre, ou les aventures d’une famille américaine assez déjantée qui possède une entreprise de pompes funèbres. Tous les jeudis aux alentours de 01h00.

9/11 oral histories made public

City Releases Thousands of Oral Histories of 9/11 Attacks
A rich vein of city records from Sept. 11, including more than 12,000 pages of oral histories rendered in the voices of 503 firefighters, paramedics, and emergency medical technicians, was made public this morning.

The city began releasing the histories - a mosaic of vision and memory recalling the human struggle against surging fire, confusion, and horror - this morning. They were compiled by the New York City Fire Department beginning in October 2001, but to this date, no one from the department has read them all or used them for any official purpose.

Over the last three and half years, The Times has obtained some of these records through unofficial channels, and they can be found on the Web at www.nytimes.com/sept11. These include the dispatch tapes, nearly 100 of the Fire Department oral histories, and a log of calls to Emergency Medical Service dispatchers that were channeled through the 911 system.

quotable

"Do not praise yourself
Nor slander others:
There are still many days to go
And anything could happen."
- Kabir (1440-1518) Indian Sufi mystic and poet

things that made me smile today

1.

2. "Why Do Men Have Nipples? — Hundreds of Questions You’d Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini," with answers to that and other medical questions.

3.The salsa moves cardio class at 24 Hour Fitness. It's the most fun I've had at the gym in, well, forever.

4. The Six Feet Under reference in this meme.

Three things I want to do badly right now:
1. Go back to the sands of Laguna Beach
2. Redeem my Sephora gift cards
3. Bring Nate Fisher back to life

5. The French Saint Days dashboard widget.


6. This NY Times article: She's So Cool, So Smart, So Beautiful: Must Be a Girl Crush

7. Stats being over. The final was tonight and I'm a free woman for 20 whole days.

8. Going drinking with the girls. Allison and I hit the Alibi and Baja Betty's (with Denisse) and made beaucoup de amis at Betty's after class.

9. Dancing my arse off for three hours straight at Klub Eighties afterwards. I crawled into bed tired, sweaty, and very happy at 1 a.m.

10.

discussed at dao son

It felt good when T greeted me by name as I walked into Dao Son tonight. I've missed San Diego's best rice vermicelli with chicken these past few months ...

Things to remember from my conversation with Marta:

1. A friend is always happy for you when you're happy, independent of whether or not she had anything to do with your joy. If the person isn't, then ask yourself if she wishes you harm.
2. Some people are very nice until you actually get to know them. But even the ones that aren't so nice can serve a purpose.
3. Pay attention to the moment of clarity in a relationship when you know that you just can't listen to another word out of the other person's mouth.
4. You either really accept the things that you're unhappy about in your partner or just move on. There is no middle ground.
5. Not to be so damn pleasant in my next relationship.

can't get no ...

The Rolling Stones have taken a rare break from sex odes to record an antiwar song called "Sweet Neo Con," chiding Condi Rice and Mr. Bush. "You call yourself a Christian; I call you a hypocrite," Mick Jagger sings.
Via the NYTimes

elusive sincerity

Lloyd Cole's music is resonating with me on a new level these days. One song in particular is burning itself into my subconscious.

No More Love Songs (lyrics; listen)
Rather than you, she said
I prefer solitude
Rather than company
I prefer cigarettes ...

But no more love songs
Not for me ...

No Joan of Arc
She was broken, discarded
And that was a long time ago

Still, no more love songs
No more love songs
Still, you might as well live ...

simple pleasures

a couple of glasses of cabernet with A.
vinta crackers with nutella
wham! on the stereo
stories of crushes, coming out, and not going to a certain bar
astro profiles on swoon.com
conversations about her past loves
my wedding album
letting go of judgements
confessions about our mothers
filling our own voids and making full circles, not incomplete complements
realizing that in one case, it wasn't about "they," but "him"
affirming that we've got the goods
acknowledging that it will be hard to find our equals
hope for future loves
feasting on the sweet smell of night jasmine as I walked back upstairs

quotable

"For who, alas! has lived,
Nor in the watches of the night recalled
Words he has wished unsaid and deeds undone."
- Samuel Rogers, Reflections (l. 52)

on respect

A friend told me today that "letting someone be who they are is the ultimate sign of respect. In short, the greatest gift [my husband has] given me is to let me be the person I am. I try to let my kids be the people they are and respect them for who they are."

Words to live by.

eric's world tour

Eric called me today. It was nice to talk about what's going on in our lives. And to know that we can be friends after all that we've been through (together and apart) these past fifteen years.

He's visited several more countries since moving to Prague, bringing his total to 17 countries (7% of the world's nations), or three countries more than I've visited.


Create your own visited countries map.

fookin' nutter

Overheard in Glasgow by Elizabeth:

So there I was on Dumbarton. I picked up my lunch and then headed over to Woolworth's to get some candy to take home to my brother. At the front of the shop, by the newsstand, stood two old guys (or as they would be called here, OAPs). One was holding the Daily Record newspaper, the other was reading his own copy of Celtic View. The conversation I witnessed was as follows:

OAP1: Ach, 'is one. (gestures to photo of Michael Jackson on cover of paper)

OAP2: Fookin' nutter.

OAP1: Aye. Average guy cuts off his nose and goes paedo, he's in jail for life. Cuz 'is one's famous, they let 'im go.

OAP2: Fookin' nutter.

dating psa

One senior man who fell in love at first byte on Match.com told the service "if a legally blind, bald, one-legged old man can find love online, then anyone can."

In spite of this man's experience, I'm not looking to make a love connection online. At least not yet.

But the universe is trying to tell me something. This article was in my gmail inbox today, in a newsletter I get that has nothing to do with dating and relationships:

Don't date for security or comfort. Many women feel they need to start dating right away, either as a way to forget their pain, or because of the sense of security it brings. These are bad patterns to establish. Dating is not therapy. You should date when you're ready to find someone to complement your life, not because you need someone to save you from it.

At some point, it will be nice to have someone to complement it. But for now, it's time to spend some quality time with the best male in my life, my Golden Retriever Casey.

After all, all men are dogs.

8:15 a.m. sixty years ago today

It's the sixtieth anniversary of the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Hiroshima was decimated on Aug. 6, 1945. Nagasaki followed on Aug. 9, 1945.

Asked for his first thought after the July, 1945 test explosions in the Nevada desert, top scientist J. Robert Oppenheimer quoted from his favorite Hindu poem, The Bhagavad-Gita: "I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds."

The Genbaku Dome, the only building still standing after the Enola Gay dropped her payload on Hiroshima:

in or around irony

This woman is my new hero. And even this guy's post made me smile.

My Top 10 MC List for Sac Men
10) To the mechanic I took out to dinner who said his nickname was the “Lube Specialist” - next time tell me about your wife and son before you invite me over. Better yet, before I take you out to dinner at all. It was nice – albeit unexpected – to meet them, I’m sure. I’m not sure your wife shared the sentiment.

9) To the best friend of my last boyfriend who propositioned me during his house-warming party - you were my boyfriend’s best childhood friend. Remind me not to take friendship/loyalty lessons from you. You just moved in with your girlfriend two weeks prior – why? Opening a proposition with, “Hard nipples turn me on,” isn’t going to make me tear off my clothes. Finally, the aforementioned proposition happening directly in front of your girlfriend with almost no reaction from her was not only disgusting on your part, but kind of disturbing behavior on her part. Get me the hell OUT of this Bermuda Triangle for insanity.

8) To the guy I made out with on my friend’s patio when we were both drunk after killing a bottle of Bicardi Silver and Absolut – I don’t want to date you, and I’m sorry in your eyes that makes me a … what was it again? Callous slut? I didn’t know how to tell you then, or even now, that the inside of my lower lip might still have some residual bleeding. That’s why I said no to giving you my phone number – the thought of kissing you again made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Don’t worry though; I’ve since slaughtered the friend that caved to pressure and donated my number to your cause. If only you’d stop calling six times a day. It’s been a month.

7) To the guy I met over shared favorite movie lines while our friends were flirting – I invited you to a BBQ at a friend’s house after a few phone conversations in which you expressed a desire to have more female friends and get to know me better. Why you thought five minutes after walking through the door it was sexy or convincing to proposition me (in front of my friends) with, “I just came to fuck. Yes or no so I can plan my night?” still escapes me. Your irritation when I didn’t accept your offer is even more baffling than a heat-wave in January.

6) To the guy who called me “foolish” because I wouldn’t quit my job and move into your house to join the harem you were building in exchange for having my student loans paid off – this is America guy. I’ll pay off my own loans without whoring myself out in the process. Clue: it’s just MONEY. There’s tons of it floating around for those of us willing to work hard for it.

5) To the guy who dated me for three months before one of your posse finally broke it down about your fiancé/girlfriend of FOUR YEARS – seriously, you’re fucked in the head, and where the hell is your fiancé/girlfriend during all this? We were together A LOT – is she brain dead?

4) To the woman who would be an awesome friend if only she’d respect my boundaries – I’m straight. I don’t need to experiment with you to confirm this. Stop trying to kiss me when you’re intoxicated, and if you touch my ass again, we won’t be hanging out any more, and this doesn’t indicate homophobia. It indicates self-respect and/or standards. Take your pick.

3) To the guy who I went on a few dates with who was so nervous around me he either stuttered and/or made fun of me to alleviate his nervousness – they just weren’t good dates, and they didn’t improve over time. I’m sorry, because you’re a genuinely nice person. I’m even more sorry that you told my friends that you would have preferred I lied and pretended to have a boyfriend. I’m not sure I have that much energy in me to spare you from … what did you tell them? “Going on a three-month bender.” After four dates? And I thought I was a little screwy?

2) To the guy who told me to lose five pounds in the same breath he told me to go get him a beer so he didn’t miss any of the game – you are by far one of the most attractive men I’ve ever seen. Unfortunately, I’m already fifteen pounds underweight for my height, so additional weight loss would not only make me less attractive, it would make me unhealthy. I might have ignored the comment had a couple of mitigating factors not been present:
a) you’re so far out of my intellectual league that every moment spent with you was a shallow trip down idiot lane to a destination called “I Just Want To Look At You,” and
b) your denial of a serious substance abuse problem was apparent every time we couldn’t have sex.

1) To the guy who didn’t want to be gay – you’re heads above even #2 in attractiveness, and easily put even my intellect to task. I might suggest a few things to better mask your sexual preferences however:
a) asking a group of men, “Do I smell Wisteria?” is a clear sign either you spend too much time with your mother, you’re gay, or you’re a hetero-sexual anomaly,
b) touchy-feely with your best male friend is fine when sports are part of the equation, but when one man’s face is really close to another man’s face during conversation or you spend too much time with your arms around eachother’s shoulders, it sends an alert message the same way a fire alarm does,
c) pretend you don’t know more about hair products than I do, and finally
d) don’t tell me you’re gay while we’re naked in my bed AFTER we tried to have sex and you couldn’t get it up.

this is in or around Irony

not my demographic

Harry and I are no longer.

I'm feeling pretty ambivalent right about now. I don't have any of the "ohmigod this guy just rejected me" feelings. I think my reluctance to surrender to the desire to fall for him (after an initial infatuation-driven confession of love) was because I didn't want to get hurt and because I had some big doubts about our long-term compatibility.

There's a big difference between being in love with someone and loving the feeling you get from how that person treats you. Perhaps it's because he made me feel so amazing about myself that I confused the two. I say this in hindsight, because I only got clarity on the relationship and my own psyche once it was over. It's an important lesson and I feel fortunate to have learned it and emerged almost unscathed emotionally.

Oddly enough, I had a conversation with my boss this week about how (when I was in college) my dream was to join the Peace Corps and my subsequent regrets about choosing my relationship instead of my dream. And then I told him that my dream right now is to move to France and that I don't see myself choosing my relationship/ marriage and family over my dream again. The simple truth is I never saw Harry in the 'moving to France' picture.

I have no regrets about putting myself out there and seeing what's possible. Harry was so not my demographic, but it was good to be in his world for awhile. I tried on a new persona, learned a thing or two about dating, had a lot of fun, got much more comfortable in my own skin, had the priviledge of seeing (and appreciating) myself through someone else's eyes, was treated the way I deserve by a lover, enjoyed being introduced to a whole new world of music and art, and gained so much from the experience.

I'll never meet anyone else quite like Harry.

a little booze is good for the brain

Allison and I will be getting our drink on with Harry after our stats final next Thursday. After reading this story, I'm thinking perhaps we should have a few before the exam, too.

Alcohol helps you think, say scientists
People who average two alcoholic drinks a day are better thinkers than teetotallers and very heavy drinkers, according to research.

An Australian university study of 7000 people has found those who drink in moderation have better verbal skills, memory and speed of thinking than those at the extremes of the drinking spectrum.

Researchers say it is a mystery why. The study overturns conventional belief that alcohol kills brain cells, leaving drinkers less well off in the brains department ... people who drink moderate amounts also seem to be healthier, physically and mentally.
"The research looked at factors including physical health, personality, social lives, social supports, friendships and enemies, and yet these did not explain it" ... there appeared to be no social factors - such as better education of one group - that could explain the phenomenon.

Moderate alcohol consumption was considered to be 14 to 28 standard drinks a week for men and seven to 14 drinks a week for women.
Via Matt

shacking up

I'm getting ready to rent my second bedroom and have just gotten used to the idea of having a roommate again, despite seeing craigslist postings like these.

My last roommate was cool, but things ended in a weird way after I told her I was moving out one month earlier than she was (I had bought a condo and the seller wouldn't agree to a longer escrow). I got back from a business trip to find my things moved out of the kitchen and bathroom, all my empty boxes stacked on my bed, and this new shower curtain hanging in the bathroom:

i'm intrigued

"Broken Flowers," the new Jim Jarmusch movie, stars Bill Murray and a host of other stars that I like. It opens on Aug. 5.

it's like licking velvet

After hearing Harry talk wistfully about frozen custard, I pricked up my ears when I heard the words "frozen custard" on NPR last weekend.

Tonight, I drove to Poway with Harry, hoping to surprise him with frozen custard. But for the second time today, things didn't go according to plan: the shop was closed. And I'll have to take it on faith that eating frozen custard really is like "licking smooth, creamy velvet."

• Find custard near you if you want to try the stuff for yourself.

The Sticky Joys of Frozen Custard
One of summer's greatest pleasures is purely sensual. It tastes like the county fair and the beach, the picnic and the park. It's a great, great Amerian classic of small Midwestern towns, and yet because it's hard to make, it's a rare treat. It's frozen custard. You may think you've seen frozen custard, but what you more likely saw was gold, old-fashioned, swirly soft-serve ice cream. Frozen custard is something completely different.

you say potato

A few years back creationist school curriculum was being declared illegal by court after court. Since creationism pretty much got thrown out of schools, creationists are taking another bite at the apple. They've repackaged creationism as "intelligent design" and have gotten the president to endorse the idea of teaching it in schools.

Bush Remarks Roil Debate on Teaching of Evolution
A sharp debate between scientists and religious conservatives escalated Tuesday over comments by President Bush that the theory of intelligent design should be taught with evolution in the nation's public schools.

In an interview at the White House on Monday with a group of Texas newspaper reporters, Mr. Bush appeared to endorse the push by many of his conservative Christian supporters to give intelligent design equal treatment with the theory of evolution.

Recalling his days as Texas governor, Mr. Bush said in the interview, according to a transcript, "I felt like both sides ought to be properly taught."

Intelligent design ... disputes the idea that natural selection - the force Charles Darwin suggested drove evolution - fully explains the complexity of life. Instead, intelligent design proponents say that life is so intricate that only a powerful guiding force, or intelligent designer, could have created it.

Intelligent design does not identify the designer, but critics say the theory is a thinly disguised argument for God and the divine creation of the universe. Invigorated by a recent push by conservatives, the theory has been gaining support in school districts in 20 states, with Kansas in the lead.

hate crimes soar after london bombings

It turns out that the English are no more civilized than we are. Disappointing, that.

Attacks on Muslims have soared in London since the 7 July bombings, according to police figures.

There were 269 "religious hate" crimes, compared with 40 in the same period last year, the figures show.

Most were verbal abuse or minor assaults, but also include damage to property, including mosques and have a great "emotional impact", police said.

how do you like them binomials?

Misunderstood in stats class tonight: While learning about H₀ and H_alt hypothesis, hearing "your analysis shows" as "urinalysis shows" and not being able to stop giggling with Allison.

Then again, we'd just gotten confirmation that we bombed our last exam. But I felt less disappointed after discovering that I missed the high score (75) by two points.

I might still be an effing mathlete after all.

100% recycled potter

As luck would have it, I bought my copy about three hours before I read this story. But I'll buy the next book recycled.

Made in Canada: Potter on 100% recycled paper
[American fans are being urged to buy] "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" — not in the United States but in Canada, where J.K. Rowling's latest book is printed entirely on recycled paper.

A coalition of conservation groups and Rowling herself have likened the mythical Hogwarts forest to old-growth trees used by paper suppliers around the world.

The author and the activists also have praised Raincoast Books, the publisher of Harry Potter books in Canada, for using paper that's recycled and certified as being free of pulp from ancient trees, generally defined as trees that are at least 150 years old.

Raincoast's printing of the book will save 28,000 trees — more than what would fill New York City's Central Park, activists say.

Now the Natural Resources Defense Council, Greenpeace and six other American groups are urging Muggles to boycott Scholastic and buy from Raincoast via one of two Canadian online booksellers: www.amazon.ca or www.chapters.indigo.ca.

not that i ever did, but ...

Via InvertedMan