the 10 C's (Toastmasters speech #3)

Speech originally given on Jan. 27, 2005
Award: Most improved speaker

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Nanny (my grandmother) told me of the days when she'd drop her boys off at the movies for the day when she needed to get some errands done. She'd give them a dime for the double feature and a nickel each for popcorn and a drink. They would spend the whole day in the theatre, watching the same films over and over again. The old newsreels would run in between and they would have a ball seeing epics like "Ben Hur," musicals like "West Side Story," and great science fiction like "The Day the Earth Stood Still."

When I was a kid, I loved going to the movies and getting lost in a story on the screen. My parents and I usually went to movies at Norton Air Force Base, where my father was stationed. Movies were $1.25 for adults and 75 cents for kids. A box of milk duds cost 50 cents, a ginormous bag of popcorn was 50 cents, and for a dollar, you got the popcorn and two drinks. The best part for me was that my dad paid for everything!

Today, things are different, and I'd like to share my top ten peeves about going to the movies.

1.) Cost
I remember my first instance of movie sticker shock -- in high school when I paid the exhorbitant sum of $4.25 for a matinee at the mall. I had no idea what a bargain I was getting.

Nowadays, I happen to be a student and I gladly flash my student ID anytime I can to get a discount. But a regular movie is nearly $10 and $7.50 is the going rate for students and seniors.

2.) Crinkly wrappers
The movie candy people already take the time to specially package everything from sweettarts to red vines in movie theater-size portions, but they haven't perfected a space-age polymer that is less noisy in the theatre.

3.) Compromise
Its so frustrating to get to AMC 18 at Fashion Valley two and half hours early for a movie, only to find that it is sold out. If there are more than two people, that's usually followed by the Compromise, a horrible negotiation where one person has already seen my second choice or where I invariably dislike the actress in their second choice.

And, yes, I know that I can buy my tickets in advance using the internet, but I usually don't buy online because I don't get my student discount.

4.) Commercials before the previews
I really enjoy seeing trailers for coming attractions. But I don't need to be sold on the new Coke, Dove moisturing body wash, or those zoom zoom zoom Madza cars.

5.) Crying babies
I generally like babies. There are only two situations where I cringe when I see them. One is when I'm boarding an airplane. I'm sure you can figure out the other one.

I have several friends who are new parents and I really feel for them, but that sympathy ends once we're in a theatre.

Just this week, I was in a movie theatre when a baby started wailing. My friend turned to me and said "You have got to be kidding." Thankfully, the parent got up and took her baby for a little walk, and the infant calmed down.

6.) Cramping: Long films with no intermission
I saw "The Aviator" a few weeks ago and realized that my legs, feet, and bum had all fallen asleep because I'd been sitting still for so long. And I won't even tell you how my bladder felt. That film was nearly three hours long. Don't get me wrong- I was mesmerized by the costumes and completely lost in the story. But three hours in a movie equals a cramp in my side. Even a three hour plane ride includes a visit to the head and a lap around the plane to stretch my legs.

Contrast that to when I saw "My Fair Lady" last year. I loved the film for many reasons. And I think it held my attention partially because there was an intermission, when I could visit the ladies' room and clear my mind before hitting the concession stand for an overpriced bottle of water.

7.) Cell phones
I find it amusing that advertisers have figured out how royally annoying it is to hear a cell phone go off during a movie. So now we have fake previews to remind us to shut off our ringers. First, there was the buffalo hunt gone bad and now there's a clever one about a cheerleading championship lost all because some jerk in the audience forgot to set his phone to vibrate.

8.) Chair kickers
Once in a very great while, I make the mistake of sitting in front of a fidgety child or adult. And I spend the entire film shooting dirty looks in the dark at that poor person who is probably cramped from sitting still for so long.

9.) Craning
It seems that no matter where I sit, Kareem Abdul Jabar (or his body double) sit right in front of me two minutes into the previews. (There's no stadium seating at Landmark theatres, so I suffer for my art when I see foreign or independent films there.

10.) Chatty people
If I'm paying $10 to see a film, I'm not there to listen to others talk about what's happening. I'll confess that I do make the occassional comment to my friend (sitting right next to me), but I don't broadcast it to everyone. There are a few occasions when a talker is a welcome break, though, like in a horror movie when teenage boys are so scared that they crack jokes to break the tension.

And there are some movies where the audience is encouraged to talk back, like the "Rocky Horror Picture Show" or my personal favorite, the "Sound of Music" Singalong, where the audience shouts warnings to the characters and belts out "Doe A Dee-ya, a female Dee-ya" at the top of its lungs.



In spite of all of these things, I will gladly suspend my disbelief to lose myself in someone else's world. I love a compelling story and the tears that come from "Schindler's List" or the bellyaching laughter of "There's Something About Mary." I'm inspired by the beautiful landscapes of "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy and find myself rooting for Seabiscuit.

And that's why I'm at a theatre three, maybe four times a month. In my mind, there's no better way to spend a rainy Sunday or a sweltering summer afternoon than how I did when I was a little girl, going to the movies with my parents.