someday I hope to be a lifer

Working for a university is pretty much like working for the county. At my last job, I had a friend who referred to the wacky lifers as "shuttle riders." They were the ones who resisted technology and innovation, who would ride the campus shuttle over to HR to drop something off or pick it up (not because it was late, but because they could dadgommit), and who generally scared us with the monotony of their lives. After reading this pee-your-pants-funny MsBeesKnees post, I knew I had to cross-post this shoutout to my old peeps.

Someday I Hope To Be A Lifer

This one’s a “shout out” to E. An ex-County Employee.

I work for the County. Yeah, the County. I believe I may be the youngest one here due to government jobs being filled to capacity with Lifers. Stout and strapped into comfortable, orthopedic open-toe sandals and tan nylon stockings, these gals have been here for years. Let me introduce you to a few:

I. The Angry Lady. This woman wears nothing but sweatshirts with cats on them. Cats cuddling, cats prancing, even cats dressed in their holiday best! She enjoys shouting at people through the email IN ALL CAPS. She wears crooked bangs and glasses that are an inch thick and rimless. And she drives a Corvette. Red.

2. The Obese Pagan Lady. This large and lovely lady always wears purple and lumbers along with the help of a cane. A purple cane, mind you.

3. The Clutter Lady. This one works in finance, and fancy this, is another fan of cats. Cluttering her cubicle along with your basic run-of-the-mill cat lady chachkies are Raiders memorabilia (mugs, key chains and other collectables) and all-things-Harley Davidson. My favorite being the bear dressed as a biker, complete with silly leather cap and jacket, sitting atop a teensy motorcycle. I tell you! One of these days she’s going to find that treasure missing! Guilty as charged!

4. The Phony Pony Lady. This sweet senior, who looks like a storybook grandmother, enjoys rocking the phony ponies. See earlier entry: http://imthebeesknees.blogspot.com/2004/09/phony-ponytails-and-sassy-senior.html

5. The Me Love You Long Time Lady. This 4 foot Vietnamese firecracker works over in the Venereal Disease Control division. She has ginormous fake boobs and wears nothing but black bras and see through tops. She’s clearly raiding her granddaughter's closet every morning. Waaaay non-awesome.

I often wonder if I’ll become a Lifer and join the ranks of these fine work devotees. I can tell you this much. I do like cats. And I’m downright mad about saying, “Happy Friday!” I think I just might be on my way… Although, I am almost positive, her hairpieces were made for ladies of the African American persuasion. But damn the rules, you go girl!