true friendship, defined

My friend Margaret sent me this. I've seen it before, but not in a long time. It still makes me laugh.

Are you tired of all those cheesy "friendship" poems that never come close to reality? Here's a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:

1. When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way.
2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile, I will know you've finally had sex.
4. When you are scared, I will tease the crap out of you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to stop your bloody whining.
6. When you are confused, I will use little words.
7. When you are sick, stay the hell away from me until you are well again, I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy self.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of two, and one of them isn't speaking to you right now anyway.

Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.