a proven means to that end

One of my friends sent this note to me after his cell phone was stolen last weekend.

Dear Person Whose Number I May Have Lost,

My cell phone was liberated from my possession last weekend.

While I have a new one, my phone list disappeared with the old one. This means two things:
1) If you received any perverted crank calls from my CID after 2pm Sunday, it wasn't me. I will, however, resume placing them myself effective 6pm today.
2) If you want me to have your number, you'll need to get it to me. You can call me (same number xxx-xxxx), email it to me, or pay Chloe Sevigny to slip it to me at a club. My birthday is in September.

"But wait," you say, "you never called me when you did have my number. Why bother giving it to you again?"

I like to feel important and wanted, and having numbers to skip over while I'm looking for someone I actually want to talk to is a proven means to that end.

Also, since I was able to set Monty Python's "Sit on My Face" as my new ringtone, I'll want more incoming calls. Thus I'll be calling out more, anyway. I might quickly hang up so I can get a callback, but it still counts imho.

see you soon,
A