mardi, novembre 07, 2006

adventures in the voting booth

I haven't been to the polls yet, but this was Leo's experience today:
Voting problems crop up early on Election Day
here we go...

i actually had a similar problem with my voting experience. the poll worker had trouble operating that very sophisticated piece of machinery known as... the address list printout.

[older poll worker in charge of master list]: there you are, just sign here and you're all set.


[older worker nudges stoned-looking teen in charge of address confirmation list]: you should check him in.

[SLT]: huh? oh yeah. [looks at list for a second] he's not here. [goes back to daydreaming about sweet righteous bud he'll be smoking on break]

[OW]: are you sure?

[SLT]: huh? what? yeah, he's not here. [looks away].

[me]: really? let me see. [i look at list for five seconds, reading UPSIDE DOWN, mind you, and realize that the list has the odd street numbers on the left side, which is where the heading "Brookes St." is located, and the even numbers on the right. i quickly find my name and point it out]. i'm right there.

[SLT]: [grins sheepishly] oh man... [giggles].

[OW]: [probably thinking about husband or boyfriend who gave his life in dubya-dubya-two to protect the future of this piece of human waste]. ok, great! looks like you're all set. step over there please.

[me]: [finally understanding how republicans can possibly think anyone deserves to be waterboarded] thanks. have a nice day.

now i don't want to get off on a rant here...


what bothered me about this wasn't the fact that this guy couldn't find me on the address list. mistakes will be made, especially before 8am. i know this. the problem i have is that he looked at the list, didn't see my name, and that was it. "oh, he's not here." case closed. i've just been disenfranchised by an 18 year old puke with a soulpatch and a bead necklace because he's too intellectually lazy to read both columns on a printed page. now, i'm trying to spin this positively. i'm dressed for work, khaki pants, nice shirt, dress shoes, maybe this kid thinks i'm a republican and is doing this on purpose. ok, so the voting booklet i handed him said i was registered green. no matter. maybe my polling place is manned by totalitarian, voter-fraud-loving poll workers, as opposed to mentally handicapped ones. i really want this to be the case. i'm not real hopeful, though. and even if it were true, man, would that snotty punk have been barking up the wrong tree...

if this isn't exhibit A-effin'-1 for a national voting holiday, i don't know what is.

please get out today and vote. the machines are ok. i tried one this morning. it was bery bery good to me. maybe mark robinson* is right, and all politicians are the same: corrupt, lazy, and beholden to special interests. but remember that always, out of two identical people, there's always one that is more identical than the other. identify the evil homer simpson clone twin, and cast your ballot. or vote for a third party. if you don't vote, you give these people the power to keep saying they each represent half of america, when in reality they're hard-pressed to get 25% of voters to support them in any given election.

besides, when things go wrong in 2007, you can always say "don't look at me! i voted for Kodos!"


*ash's dad. if you do not know ash, it's your loss. just keep reading.

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