ode to global warming

You know it's gonna be a bad day when:

• 7:24 a.m. You wake up for the 13th time, coughing and cursing your summer cold and the heatwave that means you're sleeping in a pool of your own sweat.
• 7:50 a.m. A magnitude 4.0 earthquake hits just as you are stepping out of the shower.
• 7:52 a.m. You decide to wear a long-sleeve shirt to work because your Spanish classroom is always *freezing.*
• 7:56 a.m. It's so hot that you can't get your dog to go downstairs to pee without bribing him with a piece of chicken breast.
• 8:26 a.m. You get a call on your way into work from your boss' assistant, saying an emergency notice needs to go out to the campus.
• 8:36 a.m. You get to campus and your beautiful window-laden office is a sauna.
• 8:42 a.m. The urgent message is that the campus air conditioning system is down for the next 36 hours.