things you don't want to hear in the emergency room

"It says here your tetanus shot is no longer current."
"They wrote 'laceration' on your chart, but this looks more like a puncture wound."
"See this thing I just pulled out of your leg? It's a fleck of bone."
"Sorry I was gone so long, the orthopedists were arguing about your x-ray. They should be done any minute now."

Thankfully, Leo's injury was minor. He had a dime-sized divet in his leg that some stitches closed up and lost a small bit of his tibia after his indoor soccer league game last night. He also had a damn impressive bump on his shin, but that's what happens when you're shoved from behind as you're about to kick the ball ... and you kick the metal goal post ... two inches above where your shinguard ends. Meanwhile, it's bedrest, antibiotics, and vicodin for Leo.