so that explains it

This. A thousand times, this.

This post nails what it's like to be an adult who was raised by a mentally unstable parent:

A habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because the small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight ... it's all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

 This is why I ask for frank communication and have no patience for guilt trips, the silent treatment, ghosting, people who use information as a weapon, people who slam doors/ punch walls, bullies, people who live for drama and/or excluding others, people who tear down others to feel better about themselves, and other passive aggressive bullshit.

While I'm in my mid-40s, it turns out somewhere inside, I'm still the anxious little girl watching and waiting for her NPD mother to explode.