not my demographic

Harry and I are no longer.

I'm feeling pretty ambivalent right about now. I don't have any of the "ohmigod this guy just rejected me" feelings. I think my reluctance to surrender to the desire to fall for him (after an initial infatuation-driven confession of love) was because I didn't want to get hurt and because I had some big doubts about our long-term compatibility.

There's a big difference between being in love with someone and loving the feeling you get from how that person treats you. Perhaps it's because he made me feel so amazing about myself that I confused the two. I say this in hindsight, because I only got clarity on the relationship and my own psyche once it was over. It's an important lesson and I feel fortunate to have learned it and emerged almost unscathed emotionally.

Oddly enough, I had a conversation with my boss this week about how (when I was in college) my dream was to join the Peace Corps and my subsequent regrets about choosing my relationship instead of my dream. And then I told him that my dream right now is to move to France and that I don't see myself choosing my relationship/ marriage and family over my dream again. The simple truth is I never saw Harry in the 'moving to France' picture.

I have no regrets about putting myself out there and seeing what's possible. Harry was so not my demographic, but it was good to be in his world for awhile. I tried on a new persona, learned a thing or two about dating, had a lot of fun, got much more comfortable in my own skin, had the priviledge of seeing (and appreciating) myself through someone else's eyes, was treated the way I deserve by a lover, enjoyed being introduced to a whole new world of music and art, and gained so much from the experience.

I'll never meet anyone else quite like Harry.